my values

New homework assignment... write down my values:

I believe in being a good person.... someone who treats others with respect, who helps those in need, who tries to make this world a better place and does it humbly.

I believe in recognizing your privilege and using it to give back to others without your privilege.

I believe that education is the great equalizer. Thus, we should provide the best educational opportunities to children from underprivileged families. I also believe in encouraging others to improve their lives by taking advantage of the educational opportunities available in this country.

I believe in love.

I believe in God.

No one likes a complainer

I didn't have much tact when I told MF about his personal statement. I didn't like it. It wasn't compelling and didn't flow. I've done this before I must confess, many times. I've actually asked him if I am mean. He says I'm not but I think he's just saying that.

I think I am mean and overly critical. I tend to want to control things and can get quite bossy. My brother pointed it out today over some stupid iphone game. "Me estas regañado" (you're scolding me) he told me gently, and I was.

It made me think about how I had scolded MF about his personal statement earlier today. How I have criticized him for not being outgoing enough, or for not pursuing a noble career. In my head I have even more criticism: not a good kisser, not articulate enough, not funny enough, not sexy enough, too frugal, too into money, etc. etc.

I think back at my past relationships and a memory pops back in my head that makes my stomach turn... an ex-boyfriend telling me how much I complain about him and about everything all the time. He was right. I've tried to catch myself but I slip far too often. Nothing is ever good enough and I am not good enough either.

I wish I could accept situations and people as they are. It's hard for me, however. And I know that any man will get tired of it. He will get tired of it. So, how can I stop?