Our relationship was probably doomed from the start but I was too blind to see it. The first time we talked on the phone was on Valentine's Day. He was on a date yet answered the phone.
Another big clue: we live on different coasts. I shoulda known.
Still, when he offered to fly me out to DC to visit him after he found out he landed a job with a top NYC firm, I let my desire to find true love trump reason. From there things moved pretty fast. We decided not to see other people. We spent about a month in LA together. I was finishing up grad school, he was on his last summer break before starting work. It was great. He met my family at graduation. We set up a flight schedule to see each other every four weeks or so.
We went through so much together. Learned painful truths about our pasts that deeply hurt. He was at my hospital bed when I got Malaria from my trip to Brazil. I tried to be there for him as he coped with being alone in a big city. A year passed by and we were still going.
It's strange, something happens after being with someone for a year. It's like all of a sudden we start getting restless. We start focusing on the negative, nit-picking, arguing about nothing. He irritated me so much sometimes, as I must have irritated him. And when you live 3,000 miles away from each other and only see each other once a month, you start wondering if it's worth it. I wondered what I was doing. Questioned whether he was right for me. But pushed those thoughts out of my head when I thought of the investment I had put into this relationship...all my hopes and dreams of a happily ever after.
Then it happened. All of a sudden. We talked about how the distance was becoming an insurmountable obstacle. How our love couldn't grow our bond could not become tighter without being in the same city. How we cared deeply for each other but were unwilling to leave everything behind to be with one another. How could we? We both just started our careers.
And so it ends. Two weeks before his best friend's wedding in LA and our vacation in Mexico, where he was supposed to meet my extended family.
And my ass agrees to still go to the wedding and go on vacation with him. What am I thinking!?! Closure? Ugh! Maybe it's that it's easier to go than do all the explaining at work and to friends and family. I dread it.
That's the worst part. Telling everyone that it's over. Getting all the unwanted pity. Telling my boss never mind, I don't want the 2-months unpaid leave to spend time with him in NYC. Telling my parents who are itching for a proposal. Removing all the pictures in my house. Getting out in the market again. The thought of it makes me sick.
I thought 3rd times a charm....guess not.
